


What We Look For And What We See

by lunarweather



Series: Words to Live By [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, But maybe not, Captain America: The First Avenger Compliant, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Gen, I Don't Even Know, I don't know, I seriously don't know, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Insecure Steve Rogers, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, and Bucky will charm you, but with soulmates, join me on this journey, just in case, let's wait and see, possibly, so I'm tagging, steve will fight you, what will happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-12-31 22:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18323537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarweather/pseuds/lunarweather
Summary: Fate decided to connect Steve and Bucky through their soulmarks but they grew up believing different things about what that connection meant.Although life keeps separating them, fate isn't done with them yet.Steve Rogers had one set of words and he couldn’t wait to hear them.James Barnes had two soulmarks and Aunt Abigail brought it up every time she came to visit.Clint's background is now a separate part.





	1. Love at First Words

**Author's Note:**

> I'm basically winging it; inspiration is hitting hard. 
> 
> WARNING: We all know how Steve saved the day at the end of CA:TFA. Be warned that my take on it may make it seem suicidal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first words most people learned to read were the one’s written by their soulmate across their skin.

 

Steven Grant Rogers had one set of words and he couldn’t wait to hear them.

 

His parents were romantic soulmates. Love at first words as his mother told it. Never a doubt in their minds. His mother had one set of words, his father had had two. Steve never knew his father, Joseph, or his father’s platonic soulmate, Jimmy, they were both killed during WWI serving in the 107th Infantry Regiment, but his mother told him plenty of stories about them. How they were closer than brothers. How she was glad that if his father was going to die it was right that he and Jimmy went together. She said she was glad and Steve knew it was true but he also knew that she never got over the loss of his father.

 

Steve was basically sick from birth. There was never a time when his health wasn’t a concern. So he took comfort in his soulmark. Everyone with a soulmark met their soulmate before they died. Everyone. There were cases of them meeting on deathbeds but they still met. So, as a child, whenever Steve became really sick he would run his fingers over the words on his forearm and know that he still had a soulmate to meet and they cared about him.

 

**_Are you alright?_ **

 

It might have been more distinct if he was someone else but he ended up hearing it on a regular basis from his mother, the doctors and nurses, their friends and neighbors, even the people at Sunday Mass.  More than anything he wanted a relationship like his parents. Love at first words. Sure, plenty of people didn’t marry their soulmates and were still happily married but he had set his parents up as the blueprint, the perfectly attainable goal for his soulmate. And if he was feeling this sure about it then surely that was what what going to happen.

 

Steve was sure about a lot of things though; what was right and what was wrong for one. He would just stand by and do nothing if someone was doing something that would hurt others. That didn’t endear him to the wrong type of people but he never backed down from a bully or a fight. He seemed like an easy target and maybe he was even when he fought back but he never gave up. Even when it was three to one.

 

Nine year old Steve was trying to get up for the third or fourth time when someone else joined in and for the first time they were on his side. Steve wasn’t too surprised when the other boys took off running, most of the bullies he dealt with weren’t too brave when it came down to it. What did surprise him was what came next.

 

An hand came into his vision to help him up, “Are you alright?”

 

He took the offered hand and huffed out a stubborn, “I had ‘em on the rope--” and ended up having a coughing fit before he could finish his sentence.

 

The pinch on his forearm had him looking up into mirroring wide eyes. The other boy suddenly smiled wide and shook their clasped hands.

 

“What do you know, I had my old man sign me up for boxing for nothin. I’m James but I guess you can call me Bucky, huh?”

 

Bucky.

 

It didn’t cross his mind to be disappointed that his soulmate was platonic. Everything narrowed down to the dark haired boy still holding his hand. It didn’t feel romantic but Steve didn’t doubt that this was a different kind of love at first word.

 

They went to the Soulmate Registration office that same week. No one was required to register but it could make things easier legally for different things. In the past people had tried to, and in some cases succeeded, in forging tattoos as soulmarks, though at the time Steve couldn’t understand why someone would want to do that. So the marks needed to be checked for authenticity. Marks were just… there. If you looked at them under a microscope they didn’t seem to exist. They would also darken, or lighten depending on skin color, after they were spoken. Handwriting was submitted and evaluated and by the end of the next week they were registered. They were as legal as family, more-so in some cases if they wanted to update it once they were legally adults, as much as they could as platonic soulmates.

 

Time passed and their bond only deepened.

 

The fall after he graduated high school, Bucky had graduated the year before, his mother final succumbed the tuberculosis that had slowly drained the life out of her for the past year. With his own health problems he never thought he would outlive his mother but there he was, on his own. Not completely of course. He had Bucky. But going against everything Bucky had ever said, he had begun to feel like he was dragging Bucky down with him.

 

All through school Bucky was the one leaving the dames giggling and swooning in his wake. The smooth talker, getting them out of countless situations without using his fist. Not that wouldn’t use them if Steve needed him. He’d call Steve out on his hogwash but always had his back. Always. He was so preoccupied being there for Steve he hardly focused on his own future. Namely, his other soulmate.

 

Bucky had two soulmarks.

 

Some people got jealous if their soulmate had multiple marks. Steve was thrilled. He knew from his mom that you could feel soul-deep for more than one person without taking away from the other bonds. He was excited that Bucky was going to have that chance, so he encouraged his soulmate every chance he had to go out and meet as many girls as he could. Problem was, with as charming as Bucky was, it was difficult to get him to go out without Steve tagging along.

 

He’d even cut back on going to Goldie’s Gym, which he had still gone to since their youth, convinced the other mark had to do with boxing. Steve wasn’t convinced, since Bucky was sure he was going to meet Steve at the gym as well. The ‘bag’ from his mark could be anything.

 

Looking back Steve should have noticed it all sooner.

 

Most of the time when Steve brought up Bucky’s other mark the man would smile and roll his eyes saying something like, “Why would I want another one when I got my hands full with you, Stupid.”

 

So when Bucky offered to let Steve come live with him he turned it down. He needed his soulmate to know that he could take care of himself. He had his health more under control than he ever had and Bucky didn’t need to put the rest his life on hold to take care of someone who refused to say no to a fight.

 

Then the war happened.

 

He couldn’t help feeling like his father; training with Bucky at Goldie’s so they could sign up for the 107th together. Soulmates on the battlefield side by side.

 

The rejection was almost too much. He needed to fight. He never backed down. Nothing had stopped him from doing his best before but now they weren’t even giving him a chance to prove himself.

 

And Bucky was leaving. Leaving without him. It had been Steve’s idea to enlist in the first place, to go for 107th and now it was separating them and putting Bucky in danger without Steve there to have his back.

 

Erskine was a godsend. When the scientist looked at Steve he saw something, he wasn’t sure what, but only his mother and Bucky had ever looked at him that way. Somehow Steve had finally been able to prove himself. The transformation was painful and disorienting and right. It was like his body and mind and will were connecting for the first time ever. Only Bucky had ever felt as right as this.

 

But of course they used him as a dancing monkey instead. Steve was too embarrassed to write Bucky and tell him what was happening. He could finally make a difference and he felt more useless than he ever had when he was little Stevie.

 

All his self doubt, powerlessness, embarrassment, it was severed from him with a sharp knife the moment he found out Bucky was in danger. Steve refused to believe he was dead. Not when it had been Steve’s idea to be in the 107th. There was no way he had died while Steve was punching out a fake Hitler surrounded by dancing girls. He would never be able to live with himself if that was the case.

 

Steve was proud that the first real thing he did as Captain America was saving Bucky, was to save all of those soldiers. It was a dream come true, fighting shoulder to shoulder with his soulmate. Pieces he didn’t even know were missing slid back into place. They had never been in more danger but it was perfect.

 

And Peggy…  Bucky had seen it from the word go, the way Steve looked at her, and there had been no end to the teasing, the over the top significant looks when they were in the same room with her. For the first time the future felt real. It felt like he would actually make it. He had Bucky, who still had another soulmate out there waiting for him, and now Steve had, well he didn’t have Peggy, but she was there, without any Marks, looking at Steve, as Bucky put it, “like she might actually consider putting up with you if you played your cards right.”

 

Then just like that it was gone, blown away like the snow on the railway tracks through that mountain. Everything he had done, everything he had become hadn’t been enough to save the one person who meant the most to him in the world. Steve finally understood why death rates doubled for people who had lost their soulmate. He felt like a part of him had been torn out, that a vein had been opened and hope had bled from him.

 

He had finished it, he didn’t have it him to not to. He took that plane down and maybe It didn’t have to end that way, maybe he could have still made it off with his life but in that moment he couldn’t see any other way. Nothing that would guarantee the plane would go down where it needed to.

 

When he passed beneath the clouds and saw the snow and ice below, it felt right. He would go out the same way Bucky did. And that was the least he could have hoped for.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 


	2. Till the End of the Line

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

James Buchanan Barnes had two soulmarks and Aunt Abigail brought it up every time she came to visit.

 

“What kind of respectable woman would James be meeting in a boxing gym?” Not that they even knew that for sure.

 

He wished he could be as rude as she was and tell her to mind her own beeswax.

 

If respectable women were anything like his aunt and the other women he’s seen at his parent’s parties then he was more than happy to meet a girl who had the same bite as her bark. He didn’t know what turned him off the debutants flaunting around in there stupid looking dresses but what made that dislike firm was his sister Becca. She was fine the way she was and was determined to put their mother into an early grave refusing to be one of the ‘porcelain dolls’. Her words. Mom had to beg, plead and threaten for each and every bow and frill. 

 

Bucky was proud of her. She had an unbreakable spirit. She had spunk. And he refused to accept anything less for himself.

 

So, when he was old enough, he had his father sign him up for boxing classes. The closest gym was a bit farther than his parents would have liked but it turned out that it didn’t matter. 

 

His parents were good people. They taught him right from wrong. And three to one was one of those things you just knew was wrong; especially when the one was as small as he was. Not that he wasn’t giving it his all. Seven lessons may have made Bucky a bit cocky but the guys took off soon enough he didn’t even have to do much.

 

His attention was drawn back to the kid on the ground when he noticed he was breathing funny. 

 

“Are you alright?”

 

The kid’s grip was surprisingly firm for as bad off as he looked, so was his voice until he broke off into a coughing fit. But it had already happened. He had felt the Bite for some little punk made out of toothpicks, kept together by the prayers of his mother, that acted six feet tall and didn’t know when to stay down.

 

Bucky smiled. Yeah, that made sense.

 

The whole registration process was weird and embarrassing since he had to take off his shirt so they could see his Mark. Stevie was lucky his was on his forearm, Bucky’s ran diagonally across his left pectoral toward his shoulder. 

 

**_I had ‘em on the rope-_ **

 

Aunt Abigail didn’t bother him as much after that. She wasn’t too happy about where Steve lived but Bucky hadn’t met him in a gym and the other Mark, that crossed his left side over his ribs, was vague enough that his family came up with other ideas. 

 

His favorite was Becca’s. Potato sack race at a fair.

 

Of course after Stevie heard that, he insisted they go to every single one that happened. The best one was always for the fourth of July since they were able to celebrate Stevie’s birthday at the same time.

 

“Wouldn’t that just be the greatest, Buck? If you met your soulmate on my birthday? Then we’d all be connected forever.”

 

Bucky had grabbed his arm then, right over his mark, making him stop. “We are already connected forever, Stevie.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Steve said, looking at him like he was stupid, “I meant me and your other soulmate. I just know that sometimes when people have more than one they don’t always get along cause they’re matched with that person but not each other.”

 

“That’s not going to happen but if they don’t like you then I don’t need them.”

 

Stevie looked like Bucky had cussed out his own mother. “You can’t say that Buck! They’re going to be you’re romantic. Nobody’s going to be more important than them.”

 

“I’m not going to drop you just cause some dame comes along. Jeez, Stevie, you really think I would do that?”

 

“Well, no, but-”

 

“But nothing. You’re not getting rid of me, Punk. I’m with you till the end of the line.”

 

Stevie gave him a puzzled look and Bucky realized he’d never said that out loud before.

 

Well, damn. He bit his lip, in for penny, “You know my mark, how it cuts off because you started coughing and there’s just this line there?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I kept asking my mom about it since everyone else’s marks ended normally with periods and question marks. The line’s called an em dash. It usually means the sentence was interrupted. It means it's not finished. The way I see it that line means it never stopped. You’re never going to stop saying my mark. It’s going to go on forever.”

 

Stevie looked lost.

 

Bucky released his arm and put his hands on his soulmate’s shoulders, “So, yeah, Punk, I’m with you till the end of the line.”

 

For once, Stevie didn’t have much to say after that except to quietly agree with him.

 

The fourth of July fair was the only one they kept going to after that. Not that little Stevie didn’t stop pushing, cause heaven forbid Bucky be satisfied with one soulmate when he had two marks.

 

Bucky had never seen anyone so keen on soulmates before. His father was blank, his mother had a platonic soulmate who lived in Boston and Becca had one mark that she had yet to meet. He guessed it made sense. His family mingled more with the well to dos and unless their soulmate gave them connections or was someone seen as important then there wasn’t much to brag about.

 

But Stevie could go on forever about his parents, about how important they were.

 

Bucky thanked his lucky stars that they were soulmates or else Stevie might not have even looked twice at him. He felt awful when he thought things like that. He knew that wasn’t true. But sometimes it felt like Steve was trying to get rid of him, to push him at someone else he didn’t even know because fate said so. He went along with it. He wasn’t miserable; he had plenty of fun. There was never any shortage of dames to take out dancing, or to the movies or anywhere he could convince Stevie to come, because if Bucky was going to meet someone then you better believe he was going to find Stevie someone too. 

 

Then the war happened. That damn war.

 

There was no stopping Steve. There was never any stopping him. All you could do was hold onto the reins and try to steer. The little punk was so set in everything he believed and fighting for what was right, fighting a bully, fighting for the little guy, no thought for how little and breakable you were? That was Steve Rogers.

 

Bucky wanted to cry in relief when he was rejected. Steve had been waiting for the country to say ‘Go’ since the beginning of the war, before the United States had ever gotten involved. The knot that had been lodged in his chest for the last few years finally loosened. Steve could lie where he was from but he would never lie about the important things and those would always stop him from making it through.

 

It was the first real thing they had fought about. Why couldn’t he just stop trying to pick a fight and be safe at home? Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn’t he be satisfied that other people were fighting and that was enough? 

 

He was never as ready to fight as Steve always was and as much as it hurt to leave him behind, he could do it, knowing Steve was safe. 

 

Barnes, James Buchanan. 

 

Steve was safe.  

 

Sergeant; 32557038. 

 

Steve was safe.

 

Barnes, James Buchanan. Sergeant; 32557038.

 

Steve was safe.

 

Of course he completely underestimated just how much trouble Steve could get into without him there to talk him out of it.

 

Bucky didn’t know how long he had been in that chair, tried to remember and forget what had happened. He had hallucinated little Stevie a few times but never to the point where he was out of the chair and never a huge Steve that could hold him up like he was a child.

 

What had he done?

 

They had to escape so there was no time for everything Bucky wanted to say. He couldn’t even feel it all himself until they were back safe across the line. Bucky had never been so mad in his entire life. Part of him was proud of Steve for rescuing them all, so the, “Let’s hear it for Captain America” was real but at the same time he wanted to shake the punk until his head popped off. He was pretty sure Agent Carter was the only one to notice though. Steve certainly didn’t, not with everyone cheering and patting him on the back but when Steve had finally had enough, Bucky found an empty tent and let him have it.

 

“Captain America? Captain America?!”

 

Bucky had heard about Captain America. Some of the comics had made it to camp before they had been captured. None of the ones he had seen had said Steve Rogers.

 

Steve just stood there and took it. Didn’t say a thing while Bucky yelled at him. Why hadn’t he told him? How could he not tell him about this? 

 

But mostly, “Why? Why, Stevie? You were suppose to be safe! What are you doing here?”

 

Steve spoke up then, “I’m here for you, Jerk. Or did you forget? Till the end of the line.”

 

Hearing that made Bucky draw in an involuntary breath before throwing his arms around Steve, which was a lot harder than it used to be, and holding him tight, “You punk. You don’t get to say that and make me not mad at you.”

 

Steve sighed, murmuring into his shoulder, “I know, Buck.”

 

“Who took all the stupid again?”

 

“I say we split it. There seems to be plenty to go around.”

 

Bucky laughed and pulled back, “So, Steven Grant Rogers, where did they find a body that matched the inside of you.”

 

Steve was different and the same. He was still the same punk he’d met all those years ago. The only difference was what he was capable of doing. And it was a lot. Through it all Bucky had his back, literally, with a rifle, when needed. Steve commanded attention, admiration and respect. He earned it all and more.

 

Bucky couldn’t be prouder. People were finally seeing what he had seen from that first day in the alley. His soulmate was the most amazing person they would ever meet.

 

He saw Peggy and the way his Steve looked at her. Steve told him about all the stupid things he had said and done and Bucky...could handle that. If she had fallen for him after his transformation then no, he would have done what he could to chase her off, but from the sound of it Peggy had noticed him when most people took him at face value. It was always a big mistake and if anyone was going to take him away Bucky was glad it was someone who had seen him for who he really was.

 

Bucky had always seen him, even when he hadn’t been able to see it himself.

 

When he dropped from the train there was fear and pain but as the world faded around him there was a feeling of relief he couldn’t describe.

 

He hadn’t met his other soulmate.

 

While that wasn’t something anyone else would find peace in, he did.

 

Cause the thing was, Steve was always the one saying that he and Bucky were platonic and that Bucky was still waiting to meet his romantic soulmate. And he went along with it, but he never agreed, he never said that himself. He was willing to take whatever Steve could give him.

 

But as far as Bucky was concerned he’d already met the only soulmate he ever wanted.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on at least one more chapter for both Steve and Bucky and at least one for Clint, probably two if I stick to the pattern. Don't know who will be next, but I doubt the second chapters will be as long as the first ones.


	3. You're My Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Soldier was told soulmates were a weakness to exploit; another point to cause pain. Steve knew his soulmate was the most important person in his world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some warnings for this chapter but I don't know what to say. Hydra has no compassion for soulmates.
> 
> I don't think I made this clear. 'What We Look for and What We See' is a precursor to the actual story. The information in this is important to know but this is all back story. It's mostly MCU compliant until the end of CA:WS.

 

 

 

 

The Soldier was told soulmates were a weakness to exploit; another point to cause pain. The Soldier believed what he was told.

He didn’t remember time before complete obedience. He didn’t know how hard he fought.

Or when he stopped fighting.

Bucky was alive and every moment more he was he wished he would die. Drugs inhibited the neural connections, so when they grew tired of his screams he was gagged. If he was very lucky he would pass out from the pain. That didn’t happen as often as he would have liked. Zola had done something to him at the Hydra base in Azzano, had changed him somehow. He was stronger, more durable.

He could barely think let alone comprehend what was happening through the haze of exhaustion and pain. It was continuous, neverending and ever changing. When the arm improved he was strapped into a chair and his mind was stripped and torn apart.

No matter how many times they put him back, he wouldn’t follow orders. He wouldn’t forget. Ever.

_ Stevie. The words on his chest. The scarring couldn’t erase them. Till the end of the line, he would never forget. _

‘ **Captain America Sacrifices Himself!** ’  says the newspaper headlines held in front of him. They look old. ‘ **Captain America Save Millions!** ’ ‘ **Nation in Mourning** ’ Pictures of the Howling Commandos, Peggy, Colonel Williams at a funeral. Pictures of a grave. Steven Grant Rogers.

_ The pain was too much. Take it away, take it away. _

 

(  ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   )

  
  


Steve knew his soulmate was the most important person in his world. He had been blessed to have one, to have that standard to help guide his life. But Bucky wasn’t here. He was a memory, long faded in this new world.

It hadn’t changed as much as he was told. There was new technology sure, and it seemed bigger, less warm and welcoming but people were the same. They were still basically good, they still cared. And there were still bullies. There was still a fight to be fought.

Steve had started fighting before he had met Bucky and it looked like he was destined to continue that fight without him. 

Somehow.

  
  


(  * ) ( * ) ( * ) ( * )

  
  


The Soldier felt the cold deep inside him, like a scar, pulling tight when he moved. It felt like the scars bordering his arm. He couldn’t feel the words that continued from the smooth skin of his chest into the scars. He was able to read them fine, the scarring somehow didn't affect that, but he also didn’t dwell. There was only a void in his being where the words had meaning.

There were other words, along his ribs. They were upsetting to his handlers.

“They sound too normal,” he heard a tech whisper once, “no one should be saying something like that to him now.”

The ones on his chest had caused problems and these now presented an unknown variable.

“There is too much we don’t know about the soulmarks. Could the Bite be enough to cut through the programing? We don’t know.”

They were soulmate words. It explained the issue. The Soldier could not have weakness, he could not be compromised.

People were brought for him to kill. This had been done before, to test his obedience, but this was different. 

The first man pled, “Please, I have a soulmate, my words were said in the bookstore only just before you came.” He was instructed to say a line of words written on a paper and the man said the words across the Soldier’s side. His handlers asked him if he felt anything from the words. When he answered in the negative he shot the bookstore man twice in the chest.

The second was a woman brought in with a bound man who was dressed similarly to guards in the room. Both were crying.

“Please!” The man cried, “She said my words when we took her. She can’t be his soulmate.”

The woman sobbed as she was forced to say the words and he read another set of words from another paper. The Soldier felt nothing then snapped her neck and shot the deserter in the head as he bowed himself over the woman.

His handlers stopped asking after that and ordered the Soldier to kill the people they brought in as soon as they said the words.

“The person who says those words is dangerous to your mission, they are your enemy. Kill them or you will have failed.”

The training was reinforced each time he was woken from the cryo sleep.

The other set of words were never discussed and the Soldier wondered if he had already completed that mission.

  
  


(  ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   )

  
  


Steve felt the cold deep inside of him, like an ocean of ice, in the place where Bucky’s warmth used to be. Waking from nightmares, the chill wouldn’t dissipate until well into his morning run.

Without Loki and the invasion, something he still had trouble believing actually happened, Steve might have spent much longer wallowing in the isolated apartment SHIELD had set up for him.

And now he was part of a team of people he had learned to respect side by side in battle. They were interesting to be sure. He wasn’t surprised when the files given him made no mention of soulmates or soulmarks. That kind of information was always treated with the utmost security, but that didn’t matter when he was there for two of the team member's saying each others words. Agent Hill’s quiet groan barely registered when compared to Banner’s shock and Stark’s obvious delight.

Steve was a bit thrown and disappointed later on by Stark’s flippant, “I don’t assign soulmates, it would take the possibility of future foursomes off the table.” Huh, apparently Stark had three soulmarks. Unless he was simply teasing Steve, which wouldn’t surprise him in the least.

Agent Romanoff was ever adapting to her environment, she reminded him of too many different people at the same time. She became whatever they needed her to be. The thought made him sad; that she needed to live her life that way. The most truth he saw from her came in the presence of her partner, Agent Barton. 

He surprised Steve with his carefree attitude coupled with his disastrous life. He was, as he overheard another agent call him, a human dumpster fire. They had elaborated that the dumpster was used by a pizzeria, a thrift store and a gag shop, which, Steve had to admit, actually seemed apt after witnessing the archer juggling miscellaneous objects ending with him slipping in the pudding he had dropped earlier.  Whenever the conversation turned to what happened during the invasion and what he went through as Loki’s thrawl he would make a joke and change the subject. Steve figured at least some of what he saw was a front but it also seemed Barton was just good at compartmentalizing. Useful for his line of work.

Thor unknowingly shook a jar of bees before departing with his brother, remarking that no other realm had soulmarks; calling them a great blessing bestowed upon the people of Midgard long ago. Steve tried not to smile as Thor casually replied to the torrent of questions that followed with, “I’m afraid I was never one for my academic studies,” and left.

Steve left too. Took a few weeks to drive the country, get more used to the modern world before signing on with SHIELD. He missed New York, he was a Brooklyn boy to his core but D.C. held fewer memories. It gave him a chance to try and move on with him life.

  
  


(  * ) ( * ) ( * ) ( * )

 

The scar inside the Soldier split, leaving fragments to piece together.

The man on the bridge wouldn’t leave his mind. He couldn’t forget.

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.”

That was true but…

The Soldier looked down at the words on his chest. There was warmth inside where the ice had been. --- 

“I knew him.”

His handler spoke and the Soldier knew, there was no compromise, there could be no weakness. The mission must be completed. But...

“But I knew him.” He was compromised. He didn’t want to hurt him. The memory wouldn’t leave. The man on the bridge, same determination but smaller. Ready to fight. Eyes that were blue like Becca’s spring dress.

“Then wipe him and start over.”

The ice gripped the edges of his lunges.

The chair reclined and the Soldier followed the routine into the pain. 

  
  


(  ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   )

  
  


The ocean raged, breaking the ice apart and Steve felt like he was sinking into the depths.

Bucky was alive. And didn’t remember him.

Hydra had his soulmate for the last seventy years. Torturing him, breaking him, making him forget.

Steve wanted to scream. There was no more time. Insight would be launching and they needed to stop it whether Steve was ready or not.

Sam joined him atop the dam, “He’s going to be there you know?”.

Steve was counting on it.

“Whoever he used to be, the guy he is now, I don’t think he’s the guy you save...”

No he wasn’t. Steve didn’t save him and this is what happened. This was his fault.

“...he’s the kind you stop.”

Steve couldn’t do that. He looked at Sam and he knew the man could see it in his eyes. 

“And if it was Riley?” Fair was fair. One soulmate for another.

Sam could barely hold his gaze, only just getting out, “He doesn’t know you.”

Hydra was not that powerful. They couldn’t erase the Mark.

“He will.”

  
  


(  * ) ( * ) ( * ) ( * )

  
  


Keep the Helicarriers in the air by any means. Kill insurgent team let by Captain America. The Soldier’s mission was clear.

The scar was pulled tight.

  
  


(  ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   )

  
  


Take the Helicarriers down. People were going to die. Thousands.

But his soulmate was standing between him and the console.

He wouldn’t kill him but he had to get Bucky out of the way. Desperation drove him. Every hit he landed deepened the crack in his soul. No one should have to do this. This was never meant to happen.

He cried out as if he had broken his own arm, holding back a sob as he choked Bucky out.

  
  


(  * ) ( * ) ( * ) ( * )

  
  


The Soldier had failed his mission.

Rage filled him. The mission was all there was. Failure was unacceptable.

The mission.

Kill the insurgent Captain America.

  
  


(  ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   )

  
  


The mission was complete. Charlie was going down.

The Helicarrier burned around them as he lifted the beam to free Bucky, who still looked at him with hatred. 

He would save him this time.

He would save him or they would go out together.

  
  


(  * ) ( * ) ( * ) ( * )

  
  


“...James Buchanan Barnes.”

_ “Come on, Bucky.” _

Pain filled the Soldier’s mind. “Shut up!”

The Soldier knocked the Captain down but stayed back. Everything felt heavy.

The Captain climbed to his feet.  _ “I can do this all day.” _

“I won’t fight you. You’re my soulmate.”

**_I had ‘em on the rope-_ **

Soulmates were a weakness to exploit.

He tackled the insurgent.

“You’re my mission.”

Complete the mission.

Kill the insurgent.

_ “You were suppose to be safe! What are you doing here?” _

“Then do it.”

The fire in the man’s eyes was gone. It felt wrong to see them that way. The blue was clear. Blue like the cups in the french cafe.

“Cause I’m with you till the end of the line.”

His breath had been ragged, desperate, but now it caught.

The line in the scar.

The em dash.

  
  


(  ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   ) ( ( * )   )

  
  


Steve woke up anyway.

With the memory of being pulled from the water by a man who should have been beyond saving.

He willed his body to heal faster.

 

He had a mission to complete.

  
  
  
  


 

 


End file.
